PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION All-But-Dissertation Survival Guide - April 17, 2006
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INSIDE THIS ISSUE - May 2, 2006
2. My Advisor Hates Me! by Dr. Robyn Silverman
May 2, 2006
A Note from the Editor
Tracy Steen, Ph.D.
For most of us (condolences to the exceptions in snowbound states) spring has sprung! Flowers are blooming…Grass is greening…Warm breezes are wafting. But one thing is missing…SPRING BREAK! Where is it now when we need it?
As I write this, thousands of students are leaving their campus for assorted destinations, most of which happen to have a beach. I’m sure you remember those halcyon days with fondness, perhaps even longing, regardless of where you went. It was a breakaway!
The great thing about Spring Break was the absolute gift of it. In the midst of classes and deadlines, it was an officially sanctioned and scheduled respite. We didn’t have to ask for it. We didn’t even have to rationalize it, or justify taking it. It was granted by virtue of our student status and all we had to do was enjoy it.
Fast-forward to the present and no one schedules a break for you. Spring Break is a memory. When you’re ABD, you’re on your own, and any break in your writing routine must be self-imposed. But impose it you must! No matter how compulsively goal-driven you are, your physical and mental well-being necessitate an occasional break in order to reduce stress and give some much needed balance to your life.
The break can be something simple—a movie with friends, puzzles with kids, walks in the park. In fact, forget bronzed bodies on sunny beaches (a dermatological nightmare in any case) because I’m not talking about the fabled Spring Break of your student days. I’m talking about day-to-day coping with ABD stresses by scheduling some fun and relaxation into your dissertation routine. If you can leave town for a week, even better. You’ll get distance and perspective, and it will be even easier to focus and work when you return. It’s not self-indulgence; it’s just smart. And we know you’re smart!
If your need for a break is intensified by an advisor who doesn’t seem to appreciate you, Dr. Robyn Silverman has some suggestions. In this issue’s guest article she lists five strategies conducive to walking tall rather than walking out.
And don’t neglect to scroll down for this issue’s Inspirational Quote. It’s one of my favorites and an excellent one for every season of life.
Special Note: We received dozens of positive responses to Dr. Catharine Randazzo’s article “Don’t Throw it Away” in the last edition of ABDSG. Please note that you can contact Dr. Randazzo at CoachCER@aol.com
My Advisor Hates Me!
The Top Five Strategies for Walking Tall
By Robyn Silverman, Ph.D.
I saw red. Literally. Comments like “No,” “Wrong,” “No” again, and “Revise” stared up at me as I drove home with the first draft of my dissertation in my lap.
When I was in the last year of my Ph.D. program, I was convinced that my advisor must be throwing darts at a picture of me behind his door. I couldn’t do anything right. I felt like a little kid being scolded for making the same mistakes over and over within the same draft. He would correct me on page 6 and then again on page 13, and by the time he got to page 86, he seemed to be screaming “No, no, no!” with that berating, belittling blood-red pen. When I submitted the draft, I felt like I knew what I was doing—finally—and when I received it back—I felt like I knew nothing. One thing I knew for certain: I wanted to fire my advisor and flush that little red pen. To complicate things, I needed him desperately.
Did this guy really hate me?
It is difficult to keep yourself from believing that your advisor has it in for you. How can you resolve the situation and make progress toward your goal?
(1) Get some support: Talk to a friend, a colleague, another faculty member, a coach, or a spouse about how you are feeling. Talking about the stress you are experiencing will provide you with much needed relief and release. Going through the feedback with a supportive person whom you trust will help you to determine whether you are internalizing comments about your work as personal criticisms of you.
(2) Give yourself a break: When our work is returned to us with red pen marks all over it, our first inclination is often to want to fix the problem immediately. That’s only natural. However, when emotions are running high, it is difficult to get perspective. Calm yourself down, read through the dissertation, put it down, and take a break. Cool down, stretch, take a shower, or do a yoga class or exercise walk. When you get back to your dissertation, you will be able to see your dissertation through fresh eyes.
(3) Realize you do not need to be flawless: Sometimes we feel like we are supposed to be “perfect” at this level of our graduate career when in actuality we are still learning! After all, that is what this process is all about, right? When you give yourself permission to have faults, you can prepare yourself for the feedback you will receive from your dissertation advisor. Remember that once you know the “jack in the box” is going to spring, it’s not nearly as scary when it does.
(4) Remember it is “critique” not “criticism”: Your advisor is not criticizing you; he is doing his job and critiquing your work so that it is of the highest quality possible. He must critique your dissertation so that it gets better! I remember looking at my first draft after completing my last draft of my dissertation. What a difference! Think of your advisor as the person who is going to get you from good to great. It is easy to settle, but really, is that what a Ph.D. is all about?
(5) Leave the little child at home: What child? The one inside of you! Sometimes we all want to just crawl into the fetal position and sniffle between gasps of “I don’t wanna!” Dissertations are grown-up stuff. Upon seeing your advisor or picking up your dissertation draft, compose yourself. Remind yourself that you are your advisor’s equal, you are worthy, and you are an adult!
Keeping these tips in mind can help you get through the trials and tribulations of the dissertation process and guide you along the path to triumph. You will get through it! And you know what? I hate to say it, but I am better for it.
Just an afterthought—During the ABD process, I wisely refrained from taking out my frustrations on my advisor and his little red pen. But for a graduation gift, I couldn’t resist…I gave him a beautiful new pen with a note. It read, “With all the corrections/ your red pen must be dead/ so I offer this peaceful green pen/ in its place instead.” After all, a little humor couldn’t hurt.
Onward and upward!
Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman is a success coach for graduate students, parents, adolescents, and executives who are looking to achieve their goals and improve their lives. She helps her clients target what they really want and assists in the creation of action plans to help them get there. She is also a positive youth development specialist, body image expert, character education writer, and professional speaker who developed The Powerful Words Character Toolkit and the POWerful Family Character Toolkit which can be accessed on http://www.powerfulfamily.com. She has been featured in the press for her ongoing work in bullying, body esteem, character development and self-confidence. Dr. Robyn is currently writing a book on body confidence among women and girls. She can be reached through drrobyn@powerfulwordsonline.com or through her website http://www.DrRobynSilverman.com.