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INSIDE THIS ISSUE - July 20, 2010
1. A Note from the Editor
Can never being disconnected keep us from really being connected?
July 20, 2010
A Note from the Editor
Tracy Steen, Ph.D.
We've all been there--surrounded by people busily fussing with their cell
phones. As they talk or text with someone who is not 
present,
we feel slightly isolated and alone. It's as though we are the ones not present.
In effect, we've been disconnected from them.
And they have been disconnected from us. They are foregoing the opportunity to improve a face-to-face relationship. But for what gain? Are they really improving their state of happiness in that moment, as well as in the long term, by focusing their attention on the virtual world?
It may be that the technology enabling us to stay connected with the virtual world can contribute to a feeling of disconnect from the real one. We feel disconnected not only when people in the real world ignore us, but also when, so intensely connected to the virtual world, we ignore them. The ABD may be particularly vulnerable to such a feeling, because he or she is engaged in a solitary undertaking, one requiring many hours alone with no one but the computer screen, and the cyberspace behind it, for company.
It's no wonder it's difficult to resist the pull of social networking sites
like Facebook or, worse, snarky news sites and online celebrity gossip mongers.
Those distractions are too readily available when we're already wedded to
our computers. As we wrote five years ago in this newsletter (see "Technology
Is Not Your Friend," ABD Survival Guide, March 31, 2005),
we sometimes justify the time-suck of the virtual world by equating time spent
at the computer with productivity.
It adds up quickly: "Just a couple minutes checking CNN.com," you
say to yourself, because you're so angry about the cleanup of that oil spill.
Or maybe a friend wrote you a message via Facebook and it would be rude not
to ignore it. As long as you are logging on to Facebook, you might as well
see what your friends have been posting recently. Once you get back to work,
why not reward yourself by challenging the computer to a quick game of Texas
Hold 'Em?
We think we don't have time to join a writing group or to have lunch with an old friend because we're so busy. But for people with so little time, why are we so in touch with the argument Mel Gibson is having with his ex-girlfriend?
Worse than the time-sucking vortex of the virtual world, however, is that when we finally re-enter the real one, we may have lost a smidgen of compassion for the human beings we encounter there. A study at the University of Michigan, for example, found that college students today are 40% less empathetic than students twenty years ago, and one reason may be a reduction in face-to-face interactions due to the increase in online communication and networking.
Technology
is an invaluable research friend and a great writing partner, but an overreliance
on the virtual world can atrophy our social skills and desensitize us to unkindness.
The anonymity and lack of accountability on the Internet can fuel nasty exchanges
on blogs and news sites.
The virtual world can also make us vulnerable to negative social comparison. On Facebook, people tend to post photographs and updates about the happy times: vacations, family outings, and children's developmental milestones. Sometimes all you see in the virtual world is the best of everyone else's life, which can make you feel worse about the struggles of your own.
You don't have pictures to post of you sitting in front of your computer again, struggling to interpret garbled research data, nor would you want to post them. You're not going on vacation. You're not redecorating your home. You're not even sure where you'll be living when you graduate--whenever that may be. Life can seem both unstable and unexciting compared to the virtual representations of others. What to do?
Email and text aren't a replacement for face-to-face interaction. They may be part of the problem. We're so bad at communicating via email and text that we have to resort to emoticons to indicate tone. It is not uncommon for a graduate student to spend hours ruminating over a cryptic e-mail sent in a hurry by a busy advisor (e.g., what does "looks fine - keep writing" mean?).
In reality, even with easy access to email, texting, and the Internet, writing a dissertation can be a lonely endeavor. Perhaps, because we're so connected to a virtual world, it's not "true loneliness," and we don't feel the intense pangs that might motivate us to spend more time getting to know our classmates or advisors. But it's lonesome enough.
Your little free time could be better spent maximizing the value of the basic interactions available to you daily in the real world. You might be isolated, but you are not as isolated as you think. Whether you live in a big city, a suburb, or a small college town, you regularly see the same people, those anonymous faces you may not have taken the time to make un-anonymous. Positive real-world interactions--even when brief--provide a charge of energy and a feeling of connection with others. They have the cumulative effect of keeping your heart open and your mind less cynical, a state of being that will serve you well in creative and scholarly pursuits.
Here are five suggestions for how to better connect with other people:
1. Leave the house every day. Just because it's convenient to write
from home doesn't mean it's a good idea to stay there. Make a point to get
dressed and leave your home every day. Running a simple errand will give you
the opportunity to have positive real-world interactions. If you're lucky
enough to live near your graduate program, try to stop by on a daily basis.
You might be surprised by the relationships you'll build over time. If your
department is far away, look for opportunities to become part of the community
of other writers in your area. Writers.meetup.com
is an example of how technology can help connect us to the real world.
2. Smile. This might be the easiest thing you can do, for yourself and others, even if it doesn't feel natural at first. Smiling begets smiling. It improves your own outlook almost automatically, and your smiling face will invite a more positive reception. When developing the habit of smiling, you might first focus on transitions as a cue to smile: Remember to smile when you're leaving your house, when you're entering a room, when you're meeting someone for the first time, or when you're leaving an encounter.
3. Learn people's names. Learn the names of your grocery store clerks, the pizza delivery guy, your neighbors, other people in your academic program or workplace, etc. Learn the names of the people you frequently encounter; the people who are familiar but currently nameless. It's not too late to start, and once you do, you may enjoy being greeted by your name as you go about your daily business.
4. Make eye contact. When you look into the eyes of another person, they usually look back at you. What do you see? What do they? Sometimes we're too busy to make eye contact with the person in front of us--even though we've just spent hours on the Internet trying to make contact with people we can't even see and might never meet.
5. Keep trying. Not all smiles and overtures will be returned, but if you keep trying to be positive and connect, you will likely discover a friendlier world.
I don't want to overstate the problem. Technology is convenient, fun, and
indispensable.
But as a substitute for the real world, the virtual world leaves a lot to
be desired. It can make you angry, isolated, or unproductive, and sometimes
all three. So instead of taking a break from your work to follow a virtual
white rabbit down a virtual hole, start with tip number 1, and connect to
the real world instead.