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THE ALL-BUT-DISSERTATION SURVIVAL GUIDE(tm)
Devoted to practical steps for completing your
doctoral dissertation.
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http://www.abdsurvivalguide.com/INDEX
1. Ben's note
2. Holiday Survival for ABD's in Stepfamilies
By Debra Brown & Lillian Steinmann
3. Inspired to Write? Contribute to the ABDSG
4. Request for Dissertation Friendly Resources
5. Words of Wisdom
6. Inspirational Quote
SUMMARY
=========In this issue, coaches Debra Brown & Lillian Steinmann
offer some ideas for beating blended family holiday
stress while still having time to work on your
dissertation.If you know of dissertation friendly resources, please
share them with us. If you're inspired to write, consider
contributing to the ABDSG.We round out this issue with Words of Wisdom & an
inspirational quote.<>===<>===<>===<>===<>===<>
Ben's Note
November 18, 2004
Dear ABD Survival Guide Reader,
Relationship and family usually take on a greater
importance and meaning around the holidays. When
you're working to complete your dissertation, it's
natural that there will be some inner tension around
getting work completed and still having time with your
family and loved ones.The tensions can be even greater in a blended family.
Given that more than half of the US population lives
in blended families, this issue's feature article is timely,
as it focuses on ways to have fun at the holidays,
reduce the tension of blending your families and still
have time and energy to work on your dissertation.We continue our request for articles written by you,
our readers, and also continue to accept dissertation
resources for our website page.We round this issue out with Words of Wisdom & an
inspirational quote.As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches, all of us here
at the ABDSG want to wish you and yours a peaceful
and enjoyable holiday.See you in two weeks.
Warmly,
Ben
P.S. If you are a helping professional interested in
coaching, please visit www.mentorcoach.com. If you
are a professional from any other discipline interested
in coaching, please visit www.ecoach.com================================
Holiday Survival for ABD's in Stepfamilies
By Debra Brown & Lillian Steinmann
================================Are you a member of a blended family whose stress
increases as the holiday season approaches?
You may be hearing “tis the season to be jolly” but
all you’re feeling is worry. Blending your families
at the holidays doesn't have to be stressful. Take
a deep breath and use our five tips to make your
holidays run more smoothly.More than 1/2 the US population lives in stepfamilies.
Often, the holidays present a challenge. In blended
families, there commonly exists a sense of loss which
surfaces around the holidays and celebrations.Adults and children come into a new family with the
expectation that holidays can proceed as before,
but that is likely impossible. Traditions and rituals of
two families have to be accommodated. This means
that both adults and children have to grieve and let
go of what was past and concrete a new tradition.
Without this, the season results in confusion, anger,
hurt feelings and exhaustion.Sue and John have been married for two years.
Sue is in the middle of working toward her Ph.D.
in Education. Both have children from previous
marriages. Sue has two boys and John has a
daughter. Sue always looked forward to the holidays
and enjoyed buying presents and decorating, but
recently she is trying to do eveything for Christmas
plus she needs set aside time to continue to work on
her dissertation. Sue and John are arguing about her
taking time away from the famliy. She’s beginning to
dread the holidays.Sue has believed a common holiday myth- 'it’s the
holidays so everyone should be happy. All family
members should get along without arguing. Members
of blended families should accept each other and all
children, and everyone should be joyful and content.
Family traditions need to be maintained.” If the
holidays aren’t happy and don’t run smoothly, many
people feel like failures. The media reinforces the
happy holiday myth- children never cry, adults don’t
argue, things run smoothly with no frazzled nerves.
It looks easy! If things don’t go smoothly, one can
feel very alone. Why am I the only one not having
fun? How can I live through this season without
being constantly upset and exhausted and still work
on my dissertation?Here are some tips to plan a happier holiday:
1. Begin to develop new traditions - try to incorporate
some from each family. Be creative, inventive and
have fun. It's also important to do this in moderation,
so you find a balance between family time and
dissertation time.2. Make small changes to start with-plan ahead and
keep it simple. Develop special times together for
both the "new" family and the couple. Communicate
your plans clearly to family members and former
spouses. Listen to input from all immediate family
members3. Be flexible with timing of celebrations, how you
celebrate and who is involved. Give yourself the
permission to celebrate in new and different ways.4. Develop balance between partnering, personal
and parenting time. Set aside specific times to work
on your dissertation and let your family know about
it in advance.5. Understand that it takes time for stepfamilies to
blend smoothly. It doesn’t happen overnight. Take
a deep breath, and be patient. Let yourself and your
children mourn old traditions, make room for
expression of feeling and listening and reassurance.
It takes time to develop a new family history.
Know your feelings are normal.Finally, keep fighting against an unrealistic view of
the holidays- the 'holiday myth'. With a little bit of
flexibility, taking small steps, and having realistic
expectations, you can have fun blending your
families during this holiday season and still make
progress on your dissertation.==================================
About Debra Brown & Lillian Steinmann
==================================Debra Brown and Lillian Steinmann are Licensed
Clinical Social Workers and Professional Life Coaches
in East Syracuse, New York. They have over 20 years
of experience helping couples and stepfamilies have
better relationships, and have helped ABD's learned
to balance stepfamily issues with successful
completion of the PhD. To learn more about how to
beat the blended family holiday blues, and still have
time to work on the dissertation.Visit Deb & Lil online at:
http://www.brownsteinmann.com==================================
Inspired to Write? Contribute to the ABDSG
==================================We'd like to issue an open invitation for all recent
Ph.D.'s, faculty advisors, university professors,
consultants, graduate students and writing coaches
to share your personal insights and wisdom regarding
the dissertation process. If you'd like to write for the
ABDSG, please contact rachna@mentorcoach.com to
request our guidelines and list of possible topics. You
can also view our archives at
http://www.abdsurvivalguide.com to see what we've
recently published and/or to get some ideas.We look forward to broadening our knowledge base
through your participation.When you share what you know, we all benefit.
Thanks in advance-Ben & the ABDSG staff
==================================
Request for Dissertation Friendly Resources
==================================In our ongoing efforts to make the ABDSG even
more useful for you, our readers, we're in the
process of compiling dissertation helpful resources
in all categories. Do you have editors, statistics
consultants, software, books, or other resources
that you're using and are finding valuable? If so,
can you please share this information with Rachna
(rachna@mentorcoach.com), and she'll put together
a compilation of resources, posted on our website,
so you can find everything you might need --
all in one place.Again, please send any relevant and helpful resources
to rachna@mentorcoach.com and please put ABDSG
Resource in the subject line.Thanks in advance for your help.
===================================
Words of Wisdom
===================================One thing that helped me finish was keeping a journal
every night where I recorded briefly any progress,
thoughts, people or things that were or were not helpful,
and 3 things that I was grateful for (it forced me to
look for something positive even in the bleakest of
hours.)===================================
Inspirational Quote
==================================='The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his
success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness
of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.'
~~James Allen===================================
Your Own Coach
===================================If you are considering whether to get your own coach
to help you reach your academic goals, send any email
to: ben16-76471@autocontactor.com===================================
BEN DEAN, Publisher, ABDSG
===================================Ben holds a Ph.D. in psychology from the University
of Texas at Austin. He is the founder of MentorCoach
(www.MentorCoach.com) a virtual university training
accomplished mental health professionals to become
extraordinary coaches.He is also founder of eCoach (www.ecoach.com) which
helps interdisciplinary professionals become coaches.Ben lives in suburban Maryland with his wife and two
young children, and Walnut, their hamster.===================================
RACHNA D. JAIN, Editor, ABDSG
===================================I'm a dissertation coach and licensed psychologist
based in Maryland, with a doctorate from the University
of Denver. I'm the Editor of the ABDSG, as well as the
Author of 'Get It Done! A Coach's Guide to Dissertation
Success' and 'Get it Done Faster: Secrets of Dissertation
Success'. If you'd like to learn more about me or my
books, please visit my website:
http://www.ExcelWithEaseCoaching.com
< http://www.excelwitheasecoaching.com/>
If you have questions about this newsletter, you can
direct them to me:rachna@mentorcoach.comI'm excited to be working with you to meet your
academic goals. You can do it!=====================================
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