Welcome the Gifts of Anger, Complete Your Dissertation,
by PatRicia Fleming, Ph.D.

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THE ALL-BUT-DISSERTATION SURVIVAL GUIDE(tm)
Devoted to practical steps for completing
your doctoral dissertation.
www.ecoach.com
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INDEX
1. Ben's Note
2. Welcome the Gifts of Anger, Complete Your
  Dissertation by PatRicia Fleming, Ph.D.
3. Words of Wisdom

SUMMARY
In this issue, PatRicia Fleming, Ph.D., shares
her thoughts on anger and its gifts in helping
you complete your dissertation.

We round it out with Words of Wisdom.
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Ben's Note

June 12, 2003

Dear ABD Survival Guide Reader,

It's always enjoyable for me to hear from
you and, judging by the amount of email and
feedback we've received lately, I've noticed
a few things that I'd like to share with
you:

First, compared to this time last year, more
and more readers are asking to unsubscribe,
because they have completed their degrees.

Second, we have many new readers from all
over the world, and recent PhD's are sharing
our list with their colleagues as a
helpful resource (A BIG thank you for this).

Third, our current community (that's you) is
becoming more and more active, as our recent
ads for live support groups will attest. I
am glad to know that so many of you are
stepping out to take success into your own
hands- whether that means creating a support
group or applying for an individual coach.

All in all, I'd say these are exciting times.

For those of who you are preparing for defense
and graduation, we wish you the best of luck.

For those who *wish* they were preparing for
defense and graduation- know that others have
done it, and you will, too. Make it your goal
to be one of the people who completes your PhD
by this time next year.

In this issue, PatRicia Fleming shares
her suggestions for making friends with
your anger and using it to fuel yourself
to a completed dissertation.

See you in two weeks.

Warmly,
Ben
======================================================
Welcome the Gifts of Anger,
Complete Your Dissertation

By: PatRicia Fleming, Ph.D.
======================================================
In the world of emotions, anger is commonly seen
as the bad kid on the block. We know all too well
the trouble anger can bring: leading us to say or do
things we regret later on. We may feel vaguely
ashamed of our anger. In fact, we may have learned
that the only wise thing to do when anger threatens
is lock it up and throw away the key.

*Throw Out the Bath Water, But Save the Baby*

But wait. Watch anger closely and you'll notice
some curiously positive things happening along
with the well-known negatives. For example, when
you're angry, you feel really alive. As you protest
that you deserve better, you feel a surge of self-
respect. You're engaged in life, courageous,
confident, and raring to go.

This is how you need to feel if you're going to
successfully meet a challenge. Anger provides you
with the very strength and resources you need to get
motivated, to stay motivated when obstacles arise,
and to get the job done.

So, while it is true that runaway anger can lead to
violence and alienation of those you want on your
side, tamed anger can make your life better.
Specifically, make friends with your anger and get
your dissertation written.

*How I Channeled my Anger and
Got a Dissertation Topic*

In my own case, channeled anger got me a
dissertation topic. I had been floundering around for
a few years back in the early 70's as an ABD
teaching fellow, frustrated by trying to pick goody-
two shoes topics that were neither interesting to me
nor acceptable to my advisor. I felt so dead inside
and out that I seriously considered dropping out of
the program.

During the same time, away from academia, I was
getting my consciousness raised in the fledgling
women's movement, where anger was viewed as
both appropriate and useful. Women around me
were channeling their anger into effective action for
social change. As I stayed with my own anger, I
noticed that along with it were feelings of self-
respect. I also noticed that I felt energized,
passionate, and courageous. Gradually, I too began
channeling my anger into writing, speaking, and
other actions that would eventually bring about
positive social change.

Meanwhile, back in academia, the lesson that anger
could lead to effective action cracked open the
timid, goody-two-shoes, sugar-shell limiting my
work. Bursting out of that shell, I proposed writing
my dissertation on women's issues. To my surprise
and delight, my advisor didn't reject that proposal
out of hand. Instead, he helped me shape it so that
academics would take seriously what I had to say.
My proposal was accepted. I am now a doctor. . .
thanks to my tamed anger and the gifts it gave me.

*Your Anger Can Help You Write Your Dissertation*

At this point in your journey, you probably don't
need me to tell you that on the road to becoming a
doctor, you will encounter many anger-producing
situations. Perhaps you've already experienced a
struggle with your advisor. Or your sweetie not only
failed to cheer you on, but also made demands on
you that threatened your work. Maybe your favorite
chapter was trashed. Your computer broke down
and your numbers wouldn't crunch.

In these typical anger-generating situations, you can
harness the power of anger and use it to move you
closer to your goal.

To see how anger can serve you as a resource,
consider this common scenario: You've carefully
incorporated your advisor's suggestions, yet when
your latest revision is returned to you, it's still no
go. Some people would crumble under this
situation, but you see red. What to do?

*First Defuse the Destructive Aspects of Your Anger*

Your emergency first responder techniques aim to
prevent disaster. Here's where you use the classic
(and effective) technique of counting to ten. Take a
deep breath. Feel the ground beneath your feet.

Command your muscles to refrain from doing
anything you will regret later. If you are with your
advisor, leave. If you're on the phone, hang up.
Always be prepared with an emergency exit line
that can get you out of a potentially berserker
situation. An urgent *Excuse me* will do in a
pinch. So will a sudden coughing spell or a
forgotten crucial phone call. It is much easier to
apologize later for an abrupt departure than for a
verbal character assassination.

*Welcome Your Anger's Gifts to You*

After taking action to prevent yourself from doing
something you'll regret later on, open yourself to the
gifts of your anger. My anger, for example, gives
me these gifts:

A. Vitality: I am alive. I feel the vitality in my body.
B. Agency: I am ready to go into action.
C. Self-respect: I feel that I am a good and worthy
person, deserving good treatment.
D. Engagement: Let me at it. I am going to handle
this.
E. Capability: I can do it. I can handle this.
F. Valor/Heroism: I stand up for what is right;
I champion what needs protection
G. Courage/Boldness: I am brave.

This list is not cast in stone. Feel free to make
your own. You might decide to carry this list with
you into a potentially anger-producing situation.

Welcoming the gifts of anger begins with a mind-
body scan. First, focus on the physical sensations
that go along with your anger. You will probably
find that your energy level is high. Anger is, after
all, the fight side of the fight or flight response.

It is your body's response to a threat you believe
you can overcome. As your body prepares itself for a
physical fight, adrenalin begins to surge through
your body. Your heart may be pumping quickly.
You might try describing what you notice. Hands
are balled into fists. Jaw is tight. Teeth are
clenched. Temple is throbbing. These are the
physical manifestations of the first item on my
list of anger's gifts--vitality.

Welcome this vitality with words like these:

Good. I notice I am feeling ALIVE.
I appreciate my anger's gift of VITALITY.
I am reassured that I have this VITALITY as a
resource to help me in this situation.
I commit to using my VITALITY wisely.*

Continue down the list of anger's gifts, directing
your attention next to the gift of agency, the
readiness of your mind, body, and spirit for action.
Say to yourself:

*Good. I notice my body, mind, and spirit are
READY FOR ACTION.
I appreciate my anger's gift of AGENCY.
I am reassured that I have this READINESS FOR
ACTION as a resource to use in this situation.
I commit to using my READINESS FOR ACTION
wisely.*

Continue to move down the list, scanning your
body/mind and welcoming the remaining gifts of
your anger-- self-respect, engagement, capability,
heroism, and courage, or whatever you have
discovered in your own experience. Fill in the
blanks to create welcoming statements for each of
these gifts.

*Good. I notice I am feeling __________.
I appreciate my anger's gift of _________ .
I am reassured that I have &shy;&shy;______ as a resource to
help me in this situation.
I commit to using my ______ wisely.*

*Using the Gifts of Anger to Take Effective Action*

Reframing the qualities of anger in this way can
restore your self-esteem. This reframe helps you
to let go of any shame or guilt that have attached
themselves to your anger. It strengthens your
confidence that you have what it takes to deal with
this situation.

You can use the gifts of anger to release any
unrealistic expectations or moralistic
condemnations that drive anger to rage. You can
constructively channel resentment using the old
saying that the best revenge is success. A balanced
perspective may even melt hostility and resentment
--you may spontaneously remember praise from
your advisor and happily anticipate the
congratulatory handshake that will welcome you
into the community of doctors.

Furthermore, meeting your anger with equanimity
and accepting its good qualities can help you take
effective action on external tasks. Perhaps you'll use
the vitality as fuel, the boldness to take a more
daring stance in your discussion section or to
arrange a previously intimidating interview, or the
sense of agency to overcome procrastination and
tackle the odious number crunching one more time.

Learning to tame and befriend your anger is well
worth the effort it takes, because the gifts of anger
can help you finish your dissertation and realize
your goal of becoming a doctor. Go for it.

===============================
About PatRicia Fleming, Ph.D.
===============================
Dr.(Pat)Ricia Fleming is an experienced ABD who
now holds a Doctorate in English and a Masters in
Counselor Training. A coach, licensed
psychotherapist, and the author of *Beyond Coping:
How to Form A Vocational Achievement Support Group*,
Ricia delights in helping people live lives they
love. She befriended her own anger at a bad rental
situation and used its gifts to purchase an oceanside
apartment where she now lives.

She can be reached

By email: Ricia@quik.com
By Phone: (781) 592-1967

=======================================
Words of Wisdom from New Ph.D.'s.
=======================================
*Ask your mentor explicit questions up-front
if you have them. If you don't understand
the depth of what is supposed to be included
in the theoretical background section, for
example, say so and ask questions. Better
to ask early on than to give your mentor a
draft two weeks before your defense that
doesn't meet the criteria he or she has in
mind.

*I guess the most common problem that I and other
friends ran into was the destructive thought:
" It's stupid, wrong and been done before." Everyone
has this thought, and no, you don't have to write an
" original" work to receive your Ph.D. Just enough
is good enough, and keep telling yourself, "a good
dissertation is a done dissertation." Being somewhat
of a perfectionist, I also found it helpful to keep a
placard over my computer that says "Don't get it
RIGHT, get it WRITTEN" - a reminder that perfection
wasn't necessary or desirable. I was so shocked when
my advisor approved my final draft, because I knew how
many things were wrong with it.

===================
Your Own Coach
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If you are considering whether to get your own coach
to help you reach your academic goals, send any email
to: ben16-76471@autocontactor.com
=============================
BEN DEAN, Publisher, ABDSG
===============================
Ben holds a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of
Texas at Austin. He is the founder of MentorCoach
(www.MentorCoach.com), a virtual university
training accomplished mental health professionals
to become extraordinary coaches. With
Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D., Ben is also the founder of
Authentic Happiness Coaching
(www.AuthenticHappinessCoaching.com), a virtual
university training educators, consultants, trainers,
therapists, parents and other professionals to apply
the principles of Authentic Happiness in their own
lives and in the lives of their clients, students, and
children. Ben lives in suburban Maryland with
his wife and two young children, Walnut, their
hamster, and Rubin, their cocker spaniel.
==================================
RACHNA D. JAIN, Editor, ABDSG
==================================
I'm a dissertation coach and licensed psychologist
based in Maryland, with a doctorate from the
University of Denver. I'm the Editor of the
ABDSG, as well as the Author of "Get It Done!
A Coach's Guide to Dissertation Success"
If you'd like to learn more about me or my book, please
visit my website: www.ExcelWithEaseCoaching.com
If you have questions about this newsletter, you
can direct them to me: rachna@mentorcoach.com
I'm excited to be working with you to meet your academic
goals. You can do it!
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