===================================================
THE ALL-BUT-DISSERTATION SURVIVAL GUIDE(tm)
Devoted to practical steps for completing
your doctoral dissertation.
www.abdsurvivalguide.org
<http://www.abdsurvivalguide.org/>
=======================================================To subscribe, visit www.absurvivalguide.org
<http://www.absurvivalguide.org/>INDEX
1. Ben's note--Hearing a free tape of Marty
Seligman's first AHC class! Relevant to ABDs in the
social sciences, esp psychologists!
2. Saying "Yes" to "No"
By Dr. Gina J. Hiatt
3. Words of Wisdom
4. Inspirational QuoteSUMMARY
=========
In this issue, Dr. Gina J. Hiatt helps you to
set better boundaries so you can finish your
dissertation.We round it out with Words of Wisdom & an
inspirational quote.<>===<>===<>===<>===<>===<>===<>===<>===<>===<>
Ben's Note
May 27, 2004
Dear ABD Survival Guide Reader,
For all ABD's in the social sciences, you should know that Positive
Psychology is a fertile, new area on which to focus your
dissertations.To hear Marty Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology
on his inaugural class in the AHC program, call *212-461-2698*
anytime, day or night. It is a free call except for normal long distance
charges to New York. The call lasts one hour but you can hang
up at any point. Please know that if you press a key on the
key pad, it will start the call over at the beginning. So don't cause
any tones. You will be able to tell from the call how cool the course is.
The description of it is on www.authentichappinesscoaching.com
< http://www.authentichappinesscoaching.com/>and its sister web site is
www.authentichappiness.org <http://www.authentichappiness.org/>.In addition to Marty, the guest lecturers over the next six months, will be
*Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
< http://www.authentichappinesscoaching.com/pages/guest_lecturers.php#mihaly#mihaly>*
(/Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience)/,
*Barbara Fredrickson
< http://www.authentichappinesscoaching.com/pages/guest_lecturers.php#barbara#barbara>
*(Winner of the $100,000 Templeton Award,
University of Michigan),
*Chris Peterson*, (author with Marty of the
landmark /Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and
Classification (the UnDSM as it is informally called)*),
*/*Gregg Easterbrook
< http://www.authentichappinesscoaching.com/pages/guest_lecturers.php#gregg#gregg>
*(/The Progress Paradox)/,
*Shelly Gables* (UCLA),
*Karen Reivich* (/The Resilience Factor/),
*Barry Schwartz* (/The Paradox of Choic--Why
More Is Less);/*Fred Bryant*, best known for his
work on savoring, or thoughts and behaviors aimed
at influencing the frequency, intensity, and duration
of positive
experience and *George Valliant* (Harvard Medical
School-- /Adaptation to Life/,/The Wisdom of The
Ego, and /his summary of the lives of men and
women from adolescence to age 80 in /Aging Well).
/>> /
>> /For the bios of these Positive Psychology Luminaries,
>>> visit
>> http://www.authentichappinesscoaching.com/pages/guest_lecturers.php#fred
>You know from reading the ABDSG for years, that it is
not a place to market anything. That includes this
program. It is not in the price range of the typical graduate
student! And I know many of our readers are not social
scientists. But for those who are, please know this is
the coming field that is going to explode into national
consciousness over the next 12 months.And no matter what, the lecture with Marty is something not to miss!
See you in two weeks.
Warmly,
BenPS If you are curious about what I sound like (can you spot
the Texas accent?), I am introducing Marty at the top
of the first class that you can here by telephone (tape)
mentioned above.
============================================
Saying "Yes" to "No"
By Dr. Gina J. Hiatt
============================================Saying "Yes" to "No"
By the time a graduate student has accomplished all the requirements of
a degree, they are experts at saying "yes". "Yes" to hard work, "yes" to
putting their needs aside while they study for qualifying exams and
" yes" to working as teaching or research assistants. With classes,
assignments, practica, and other prerequisites assigned to them, they
don't have much choice! If there is something they have to turn down,
such as a ski trip right before a major exam, the decision is almost
made for them. It is obvious to all concerned that the answer is "no."Much of this changes once it is time to work on the thesis. Long periods
of time stretch out with no hard deadlines. This is when it becomes most
apparent that some people are "no"-impaired.In working with ABD clients, I have found that one of the most difficult
words to utter is "no". Often these people are the most well-liked
people on campus! They have lots of friends, are always willing to lend
a hand, teach a class, be on a committee, and help wine and dine the
latest visiting professor.Granted, each one of these activities is in itself positive. Being liked
by professors, advisors and colleagues is certainly important, both from
a quality-of-life standpoint and from a future networking standpoint. I
do believe that in life you get back what you give.But let's look at some of the advantages of saying "no." By letting
people know that your time is important, you can gain their respect. One
of my clients was able to put that into effect by setting mini-deadlines
throughout the day. When friends stopped by to chat, she could
truthfully say, "I can't talk right now; I have a deadline for finishing
this." She found that her friends actually respected these boundaries,
and were willing to take a rain check.This example illustrates another point about saying "no." Sometimes you
are just saying "no, not right now" and not "no, never." When you have a
conversation with a friend that is not an interruption of an important
thought process you were writing out, you enjoy the conversation more.
You are free from the sense of guilt and the self recriminations that
lurk under the surface, saying "you let yourself get side-tracked again.""No" is actually a word that gives you power. It means that you feel you
have the right to determine what works for you, and when. It means that
your time is important, and that your priorities matter."No" does not have to be all-or-none. Perhaps you can't go out to dinner
with the visiting professor, after picking her up at the airport and
showing her around your department. But you might be able to introduce
her to some people, or just attend the dinner.Here are some suggestions to get started, if you are a "no"-impaired person:
1) Set yourself a goal. Try to say "no" at least once this week, in a
situation where you normally would have said yes. Notice how you feel
while you say it, and notice how you feel later.2) How do you say "no?" This might sound like a silly question, but many
people get stuck on this. Here are some examples:"No, I won't be able to do that"
" No, I can't substitute teach that class, but I will make a couple of
calls to help you find someone"
" No, I can't talk right now, but I was going to take a break for coffee
in two hours can you meet me then?"3) Notice how other people say "no." How do you feel about them?
I'm sure that if you start saying "no" more often, you will start to
feel a sense of self respect and power that you hadn't felt before.
Furthermore, you will have taken an important step towards freeing up
time to work on your dissertation!=======================================
About Dr. Gina J. Hiatt
=======================================Gina J. Hiatt, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist with over 25 years of
experience. She works with individuals and groups, helping them to reach
their goals while even enjoying themselves (well, sometimes). Her sense
of humor is one of the tools that she uses to encourage, propel, startle
or incite people to take those all-important small steps. She loves
working with ABD's!She may be reached through her website: http://www.mymentorandcoach.com
< http://www.mymentorandcoach.com/>,
by email: GinaHiatt@mymentorandcoach.com, or by phone: (703) 734-4945
(all coaching done over the phone.)=====================================
Words of Wisdom
====================================
One tip that I would like to pass on is to start off by
working in very short spurts. The whole process is so
overwhelming, that starting off small makes a lot of sense.
Also, it is okay to take breaks to deal with family issues.
Everyone has a life outside the dissertation, and it is very
important to live it and to share yourself with your loved
ones. Finally, don't get stuck working in one place too
long. I found that I worked well in my school's library for
a while, then it got stale, so I worked at home. When there
were too many distractions, I went back to the library.=======================================
Inspirational Quote
======================================="Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them
is what makes life meaningful."
-Joshua J. Marine===================
Your Own Coach
===================If you are considering whether to get your own coach
to help you reach your academic goals, send any email
to: ben16-76471@autocontactor.com=============================
BEN DEAN, Publisher, ABDSG
===============================Ben holds a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of
Texas at Austin. He is the founder of MentorCoach
(www.MentorCoach.com <http://www.mentorcoach.com/>), a virtual
university training
Accomplished mental health professionals to become
extraordinary coaches. Ben lives in suburban Maryland with
his wife and two young children, Walnut, their
hamster, and Rubin, their cocker spaniel.==================================
RACHNA D. JAIN, Editor, ABDSG
==================================I'm a dissertation coach and licensed psychologist
based in Maryland, with a doctorate from the
University of Denver. I'm the Editor of the
ABDSG, as well as the Author of "Get It Done!
A Coach's Guide to Dissertation Success"
If you'd like to learn more about me or my book, please
visit my website: www.ExcelWithEaseCoaching.com
< http://www.excelwitheasecoaching.com/>If you have questions about this
newsletter, you
can direct them to me: rachna@mentorcoach.comI'm excited to be working with you to meet your academic
goals. You can do it!================================================
THE ALL-BUT-DISSERTATION SURVIVAL GUIDE(tm)
================================================"The All-But-Dissertation Survival Guide"(tm) focuses
on ways to help its readers more readily overcome the
roadblocks that often seem to stand in the way of
completing the dissertation. It is read throughout the
world.===============================================
INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH A DISSERTATION COACH?
READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP?
=================================================Email ben16-76471@autocontactor.com
You'll receive an email outlining the application process,
follow the instructions and submit the form. Your application will then be
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consultation. Various fee plans are available.ABOUT TO GRADUATE?
=====================First, congratulations!!!! Yeaaaaaa!!!!
Second, please send any email to: FreeAtLast@mentorcoach.com
Within seconds, you'll receive a note from Ben.A FAVOR
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MentorCoach(tm)
Voice: 301-986-5688
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Web: www.abdsurvivalguide.org/
< http://www.abdsurvivalguide.org/>Web: www.mentorcoach.com<http://www.mentorcoach.com/>(c) Copyright 2004 Ben J. Dean. All rights
reserved.
Rachna Jain, Ph.D.
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