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THE ALL-BUT-DISSERTATION SURVIVAL GUIDE(tm)
Devoted to practical steps for completing
your doctoral dissertation.
www.ecoach.com
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INDEX
1. Ben's Note
2. But My Husband & Kids Need Me!
By Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D.
3. Words of WisdomSUMMARY
In this issue, Dr. Janice D. Bennett shares
some ideas for how to balance dissertation
and family responsibilities.We round it out with Words of Wisdom.
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Ben's NoteApril 17, 2003
Dear ABD Survival Guide Reader,
I'm pleased to present this week's
feature article, by Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D.,
as it offers information and guidelines
for those of who are working to balance
the demands of dissertation writing and
parenthood and marriage.These tips are also good for general
self care.If you could use a few more sources of
helpful tips, check out our Words of
Wisdom section.See you in two weeks.
Warmly,
Ben
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But My Kids & Husband Need Me! Tips for the already
overburdened dissertation student
By: Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D.======================================================
But My Kids & Husband Need Me!How familiar is this nagging voice in your head?: "I
can't work on my dissertation now! I've got so many
things to do at home! If they don't get done, my family
will suffer!"If you hear this voice, or anything like it, you are
not alone. Many women have found that if they embark on
quieting those voices, their dissertations become less
familiar and more difficult to complete. Many then
wonder if they should even continue the dissertation
process at all. Besides, shouldn't you just be happy
with your master's level work and feel gratified with
motherhood? Isn't that supposed to be enough?Well, for those dissertation students who suffer in this
way, I am going to present some strategies that are
designed to get you back on track, hopefully with the
least amount of guilt.Point #1: be realistic about "separation anxiety." Your
children will not suffer irreparable psychological damage
if they don't have only you at their disposal 24/7. If
you arrange adequate coverage for when you are not going
to be available, your children will adjust accordingly.
If you balance the time that you are unavailable with
nurturing, quality interactions while you are available,
your children will develop adequate "object constancy" and
will not forget who you are.Point #2: take care of yourself. To many people, the
concept of "self-care" is a foreign one. Unfortunately,
the idea of putting yourself first often has negative
connotations: focusing on "self" is tantamount to being
"selfish." However, engaging in self-care is really about
respecting yourself. If you respect yourself enough to
pay attention to your own needs first, then you're better
able to connect to and serve others in a less stressed-out
and fractured way.How do you go about implementing self-care into your
life? Here are some ways:
1. Put good fuel into the machine. One novel idea: eat
breakfast! Massive research supports the notion that you
have to fuel the machine to get it started, and to do so
after a "fast" (that's why it's called "break-fast"!).
Eating regularly throughout the day helps as well, so try
to avoid letting the fuel gauge move to "empty" by eating
every 3 to 6 hours.2. Get exercise. Exercise has many benefits, the most
significant ones being a gain in energy and a stabilization
of moods. Many successful dissertation students credit
exercising as a means of clearing their minds to be more
focused and efficient with their work.3. Make routines for yourself. One idea: take breaks
throughout the day. How often have you seen cigarette
smokers standing outside of office buildings mid-morning
and mid-afternoon, regardless of the weather, smoking?
Smokers are practically "militant" about having their
smoking breaks. Non-smokers should be just as militant
about breaks, but to instead take a quick walk around
the block or to eat a healthy snack.4. Make a bedtime. Many women find this difficult to do,
since they feel that once everyone is gone or tucked
into bed, they finally have time for themselves. But
how often have you found that you're actually less
productive late at night, and end up mindlessly eating,
watching television or playing computer games instead?
While these activities can be stress reducing, make them
time-limited. Sleep deprivation erodes the energy and
concentration needed during the daytime.If you find it difficult balancing the demands of your
family with your goal of completing your dissertation,
then you are an excellent candidate for personal coaching.
A coach can help you prioritize your time and maximize
your efficiency, while getting you past the various obstacles
standing in your way. As a wife/mother/dissertation student,
you have unique and often conflicting demands and needs.
So why not give coaching a try? Those nagging voices might
become a lot quieter.===============================
About Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D.
===============================Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist
and personal coach living in New York City with her husband,
Dr. Richard Bennett, and their three children. Over the past
17 years, Dr. Bennett has combined a private psychological
practice with her clinical work at the Albert
Einstein College of Medicine Outpatient Mental Health Clinic.
She is the founder of Focused Coaching Services, which
provides personal coaching to ABD's and other healthy,
motivated people who want to pursue their goals and
reach their dreams.For more information, or for a free 30 minute consultation,
you may contact Janice:By phone: 212.874.1470
By email: Janice@focusedcoachingservices.com
On the web:http://www.focusedcoachingservices.com=======================================
Words of Wisdom from New Ph.D.'s.
=======================================
*Sometimes you just have to take a little time
off and treat yourself to something fun without
having a guilty feeling that you should be working
on the dissertation.*Don't be afraid to ask for help outside your
department. I had two online friends read through
chapters and comment, and got a lot of stats help
from a friend at another university too. If your
supervisor isn't helpful, then find people who
are, and make use of them. I bribed my friends
with chocolate and effusive praise in my
acknowledgments section, which seemed to work :)
=============
Your Own Coach
=============
If you are considering whether to get your own coach
to help you reach your academic goals, send any email
to <ben16-76471@autocontactor.com>
=============================
BEN DEAN, Publisher, ABDSG
===============================
Ben holds a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of
Texas at Austin. He is the founder of MentorCoach
(www.MentorCoach.com), a virtual university
training accomplished mental health professionals
to become extraordinary coaches. With
Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D., Ben is co-founder of
Authentic Happiness Coaching
(www.AuthenticHappinessCoaching.com), a virtual
university training educators, consultants, trainers,
therapists, parents and other professionals to apply
the principles of Authentic Happiness in their own
lives and in the lives of their clients, students, and
children. Ben lives in suburban Maryland with
his wife and two young children, Walnut, their
hamster,and Rubin, their cocker spaniel.
==================================
RACHNA D. JAIN, Editor, ABDSG
==================================
I'm a dissertation coach and licensed psychologist
based in Maryland, with a doctorate from the
University of Denver. I'm the Editor of the
ABDSG, as well as the Author of "Get It Done!
A Coach's Guide to Dissertation Success"
If you'd like to learn more about me or my book, please
visit my website: www.ExcelWithEaseCoaching.com
If you have questions about this newsletter, you
can direct them to me: rachna@mentorcoach.com
I'm excited to be working with you to meet your academic
goals. You can do it!
================================================
THE ALL-BUT-DISSERTATION SURVIVAL GUIDE(tm)
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"The All-But-Dissertation Survival Guide"(tm) focuses
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(c) Copyright 2003 Ben J. Dean. All rights reserved.
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