INDEX 1. Ben's Note 2. Making a Good Marriage: You and Your Dissertation SUMMARY: Are you ready to divorce your dissertation? David Junno offers some practical advice on choosing a topic you can live with, and working through the difficulties and misunderstandings that ensue, while remembering why you got involved in this relationship in the first place! =================== 1. Ben's Note =================== April 13, 2001 Dear ABD Survival Guide Reader, Several readers have written recently saying that, though they appreciate the opportunities presented by our free teleworkshops, they would like to see us publish more articles. In response to that request, I challenged the talented, experienced clinicians who participate in the MentorCoach Program to make this happen. I am happy to announce that the response was immediate and heartwarming! In coming months we will be publishing several such articles every month. I hope you will find them helpful. Warmly, Ben P.S. If you'd like to accelerate your scholarly progress, you might consider a virtual coach. For more info on how we may be able to help, send any email to mailto:ben16-76471@autocontactor.com . =============================================== 2. Making a Good Marriage: You and Your Dissertation By David Junno =============================================== If the relationship with your dissertation is handled right, it can lead to productivity and growth. But, if it isn't, you may find yourself in the midst of chronic turmoil, and even considering terminating the relationship. =============================================== In the beginning there is love. Maybe love at first sight, or maybe the kind of love that develops from familiarity and friendship. Love is the attraction and, in the early stages, there is a sense of hope, a view of a positive future, a feeling that this relationship will fulfill your dreams. With the dissertation you start with a sense of excitement about your project. This is how you will make your mark. This will open the door to your academic or professional career. You may start with an idea that you are madly in love with, or begin to develop an affection for a topic you feel you can grow to love. In either case, you are drawn to the work, you want to spend time with it, you find yourself interested in all its details, you drive your friends and family crazy with your obsession. When you decide to make a commitment and a relationship begins in earnest, your initial attraction may be challenged: the honeymoon may be over. The early glow of the relationship fades and you begin to notice the flaws in the other person that you previously overlooked, and confront doubts in yourself, e.g. are you ready for commitment, do you have what it takes, will the other person continue to be understanding of you? In the dissertation this is when you begin to deal with the obstacles, like the difficult research and the demands on your time. You may start to question this relationship. Is this really what I want? Am I up to the task? Will this give me what I need? Your committee also plays a role here, like your in-laws in a marriage. They are the keepers of the knowledge that you are pursuing, and they can either endorse your efforts or throw up obstacles. So, like a marriage, you don't just get a spouse, you get a whole family to deal with! If a marriage can weather the storms both within and outside the relationship, then a mature love develops. Differences can be understood or tolerated as a deeper understanding and perspective develop. This in turn can lead to growth and productivity. So, what can be learned from this? How can you apply this to your project? * First, if you are just beginning to develop your project, think about whether your topic is a passing fancy or something that can hold your interest over time. * With your dissertation committee, be clear about what they expect from you, and be clear with them about what your "intentions" are. * As you get into your project, be prepared for differences between what you expected and what you find. These differences are difficulties to work through and can lead to a deepening of knowledge, both of your topic and of yourself. Remember, no topic is perfect and neither are you. If you can accept this, you have the foundation for a healthy relationship with your project. * Spend regular time with your project. No relationship will last if you neglect it. Set aside time on a regular basis to nurture your dissertation. * Don't spend all of your time with it. Relationships where there are no outside interests can become stale, or become the breeding ground for chronic conflict as you try to get the other person to meet all your needs -- and then resent them if they can't. Find some balance in your life. * Remember the love. You started this project for a reason -- there was once a love. If you can find that love again, the difficulties will be easier to handle. Find ways to rekindle that love. Remember the beginning ... remember what excited you about the project in the first place. ===================== About Our Guest Editor: ===================== David Junno received his Doctorate in Psychology from the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology, where he learned to balance the relationships with his doctoral project, committee, wife and new child all at once. He has enjoyed the fruits of his labor, both professionally and with his family, ever since. In addition to a clinical practice, Dr. Junno is also a coach who loves to help people, in their personal or professional lives, develop and accomplish their important projects. Dr. Junno can be reached at mailto:coach@junno.org . ============= BEN J. DEAN ============= Ben holds a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of Texas at Austin and is a psychologist in private practice in Bethesda, Maryland. In addition to his clinical practice, Ben loves to train professionals to become virtual coaches. (If you would like to see Ben's *other* free newsletter, you may subscribe at: http://www.mentorcoach.com/) If you would like to attend any of Ben's upcoming workshops, send any email to mailto:workshop@mentorcoach.com Ben lives in suburban Maryland with his wife and two children. ================================================ THE ALL-BUT-DISSERTATION SURVIVAL GUIDE(tm) ================================================ "The All-But-Dissertation Survival Guide"(tm) focuses on ways to help its readers more readily overcome the roadblocks that often seem to stand in the way of completing the dissertation. It is read throughout the world. ABOUT TO GRADUATE? ------------------------------- First, congratulations!!!! Yeaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Second, please send any email to mailto:FreeAtLast@mentorcoach.com It's an autoresponder. Within seconds, you'll receive a note from Ben *and* a request that you share your wisdom with others on our list. A FAVOR ------------- There are more than a million graduate students in the US alone. Although we have thousands of subscribers in more than 80 countries on six continents, we have barely scratched the surface. If you find this newsletter helpful, forward it with your endorsement to your friends, ABD list servers, sympathetic faculty and administration, and, editors of print publications (who will have our full permission to reprint these newsletters--for free--if they wish). ARCHIVE ------------- Past issues of this newsletter are available at www.ecoach.com/. 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