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THE ALL-BUT-DISSERTATION SURVIVAL GUIDE(tm)
Devoted to practical steps for completing
your doctoral dissertation.
www.ecoach.com
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To subscribe, visit www.ecoach.com
INDEX
1. Ben's Note
2. Where did everybody go? Overcoming Dissertation
Loneliness by Richard J. Greene, Ph.D.
3. Words of Wisdom
4. Inspirational QuoteSUMMARY
In this issue, Dr. Rick Greene shares some ideas on
combating loneliness during the dissertation process.We round it out with Words of Wisdom and an
inspirational quote.
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Ben's NoteFebruary 5, 2004
Dear ABD Survival Guide Reader,
We're about one third of the way through
winter here on the East Coast of the United
states- if you have been keeping up with
the weather news, you'll see that we've had
many storms over the past few days, resulting
in most people being homebound. Since this
is happening outside, it seemed like a good
time to offer this week's feature article,
on overcoming dissertation loneliness.Whether you're housebound due to weather (or
not), loneliness is a common theme among
ABD's. The very nature of the work demands
time spent in solitude, and, as Dr. Rick Greene
points out, time spent wondering what everyone
else is doing while you might be stuck staring
at the computer. I'm sure you'll find some
valuable tips for overcoming your own dissertation
loneliness. Check it out.
Finally, we round it out with Words of Wisdom and
an inspirational quote.Enjoy, and see you in two weeks.
Warmly,
Ben
=====================================
" Where Did Everybody Go?
Overcoming Dissertation Loneliness"By: Richard J. Greene, Ph.D.
=====================================
What do
- Moving to a new town
- Sitting home at night hoping that the phone will
ring
- Staring at the t.v. set and missing your honeyhave to do with dissertation writing? More than you
might think. In each case, the sad individual being
described is suffering from a serious case of loneliness.As highly educated, hardworking veterans of the "dissertation
wars", see if any of these scenarios sounds familiar.- It is two o'clock in the morning and you are staring
at your computer.
- It is a beautiful Sunday afternoon, everyone you know is
outside enjoying the day and you are staring at your computer.
- Your kids want you to help them with their homework, play
catch, give them a lift and you can't because you are staring
at your computer.
- You decline a party invitation so that you can...stare at
your computer.If you are like many people struggling with their dissertations,
I strongly suspect that one or all of these situations is painfully
familiar to you. If so, you are suffering from the Dissertation
Loneliness Blues.This is a syndrome of which I have sadly had first hand knowledge.
As a grizzled, nail-munching, compulsive eating, nervous-pacing
dissertation veteran myself, I vividly recall being surrounded by
mountains of articles, pounds of books, scraps of paper, and the
ubiquitous mocking, flashing cursor....BUT NO PEOPLE!It was back in 1988, I was single and living in a spare, minuscule,
third floor walkup apartment. Faced with the daunting task of
coherently writing my dissertation, even when I felt clear and
organized (a rare enough occurrence) I still often found myself
staring at my computer...because I was LONELY; and out of this
loneliness grew sadness, despair, and resentment.Why was I sitting there by myself? What could I possibly
have been thinking undertaking this monumental task? Why was
I the only person in the world sitting alone looking at this
ridiculous collection of data, when everyone else was with someone
and doing something? This set of painful emotions is one of the
least discussed and most misunderstood aspects of dissertation angst,
and in my experience, a key obstacle to completing the job.Do you suffer from Dissertation Loneliness? Having spoken
to countless ABD'ers over the years, I have developed a simple
test to determine if you do.You know you are lonely if:
- You often ponder what everyone who is NOT working on a
disseration is doing.
- You stare at the phone and will it to ring.
- You actually welcome unsolicited sales calls and ask
questions about the product to keep the salesperson on
the line.
- You feel that everyone you know has forgotten you or you
convince yourself that you have no friends.
- You order a pizza just to have real human contact - if
only for a moment.If three or more of these events occur on a regular basis,
you do indeed suffer from Dissertation Loneliness. This
is the bad news. The good news is that there is a cure.
If you follow these simple steps, I am confident that -
while you may never love and revere working on the *&^%$$
thing - you will at least feel part of the world and
among the living.* I RECOMMEND THE FOLLOWING: *
1. If the weekend is to be devoted to dissertating, schedule
at least one fun or interesting interactive activity per weekend
day. These should:- Be no shorter than one hour nor longer than two hours.
(We are NOT looking for excuses to avoid doing the work).- Involve a group activity (e.g. a party), one to one contact
(e.g. lunch with a friend) or family activity (e.g. watching your
son's or daughter's basketball game).2. During the week:
- If single:
- touch base on the phone each day with a friend.
Please note the phrase "on the phone". Emailing doesn't
count, because although you are initiating communication there
is no direct interaction involved, and you are still at the
bloody computer.)- If married with children
- set aside a period of time (again not more than an hour
or two) to play with or otherwise "hang out" with your kids.
(Disciplining them for screwing up doesn't count).- If married, without children
- do the same with your spouse (you can ignore the part
about disciplining).3. These activities can occur
- during the course of your dissertation session - if you
are the kind of person who can subsequently restart your
engine and get back to work
- OR after you have completed the amount of work you had planned
for that day.* WHY THIS HELPS *
1. If you do it during your dissertation session, it breaks
up the work and makes the process seem less endless and
overwhelming.2. If you do it at the end of your day's work, it gives you
something to look forward to.3. If you choose to do it both during and at the end of
your dissertation, you achieve the benefits of both 1 and 2.
(Be careful, though. If you use this during AND after approach,
keep each "people time" activity relatively brief, again so that
you are not creating a new excuse to avoid the work).4. It reduces your feelings of resentment.
5. It makes your dissertation feel more like a project and
less like a punishment.In my own experience, this approach was absolutely vital for
maintaining my concentration, feeling part of the world, and
minimizing how often I felt sorry for myself. Moreover, in
my ABD coaching I have found this to be useful and effective tool
for my clientele.I think you will be pleased and surprised at how much more
efficiently you can work when not feeling lonely and resentful.=======================================
About Richard Greene, Ph.D.
=======================================
Dr. Rick Greene, a former instructor at Harvard University,
is professional life coach and psychologist. Rick has run
groups at the local and national level, been director of a
community mental health center, published an award-winning
dissertation on adolescents and families and given talks at
national conferences. At this time, Rick works with ABD
graduate students, with adults and couples dealing with difficult
life decisions, with men who become "instant stepfathers" in
newly blended families, and with the parents of difficult
children and adolescents. He is known for his warmth
and humor and the ease with which clients can talk with him.When not coaching or doing clinical work, Rick is an avid
sports and fitness buff, a self-described "gym rat" who also loves
wilderness hiking, canoeing, kayaking and (sadly) the Boston Red Sox.He can be reached:
By email: RickJGreene@comcast.net
======================================
Words of Wisdom from New Ph.D.'s.
=======================================
**Make sure you maintain outside interests - volunteer, play a sport -
do something that keeps you balanced and active in the"real world"
instead of operating only in the vacuum of dissertation-land.=======================================
Inspirational Quote
=======================================
Several recent graduates have suggested that
we offer an inspirational quote or two to
further motivate and support you. If you
have any quotes that you find really helpful,
please send them to rachna@mentorcoach.com"Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which
in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant."
~~Horace===================
Your Own Coach
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If you are considering whether to get your own coach
to help you reach your academic goals, send any email
to: ben16-76471@autocontactor.com
=============================
BEN DEAN, Publisher, ABDSG
===============================
Ben holds a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of
Texas at Austin. He is the founder of MentorCoach
(www.MentorCoach.com), a virtual university
training accomplished mental health professionals
to become extraordinary coaches. With
Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D., Ben is also the founder of
Authentic Happiness Coaching
(www.AuthenticHappinessCoaching.com), a virtual
university training educators, consultants, trainers,
therapists, parents and other professionals to apply
the principles of Authentic Happiness in their own
lives and in the lives of their clients, students, and
children. Ben lives in suburban Maryland with
his wife and two young children, Walnut, their
hamster, and Rubin, their cocker spaniel.
==================================
RACHNA D. JAIN, Editor, ABDSG
==================================
I'm a dissertation coach and licensed psychologist
based in Maryland, with a doctorate from the
University of Denver. I'm the Editor of the
ABDSG, as well as the Author of "Get It Done!
A Coach's Guide to Dissertation Success"
If you'd like to learn more about me or my book, please
visit my website: www.ExcelWithEaseCoaching.com
If you have questions about this newsletter, you
can direct them to me: rachna@mentorcoach.com
I'm excited to be working with you to meet your academic
goals. You can do it!
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